Transitions...

Last week we made the big move. After preparing ourselves mentally as much as we possibly could for the changeover, we made our way down to Sunauli in Nepal, and crossed the border over into India. Last week also marked another change for me, when I transitioned from being a solo traveller to being part of a travelling threesome.

At the beginning of my trip I’d planned on leaving Kathmandu by plane and flying directly to Delhi. The initial thoughts were to head to Rishikesh and then down to Varanasi and after that, to head across to Rajasthan. I’d been a bit worried about heading into India by myself, and when I met Juan, a friendly Argentinian guy, at registration for the vipassana course and he told me that he was crossing over to India by bus, heading to Varanasi and then upwards to Rishikesh via Agra and Delhi. He was basically going to the same places I’d been planning to, just the opposite way round. We briefly discussed the possibility of traveling together, which appealed to me, as traveling with a guy in India would definitely make the transition smoother. The idea of going to Agra again, after being there during my last, short visit, sounded like a good idea, as, even though I hadn’t planned on going again this time, I thought it might be a kind of “do over” from my experiences when I was there last.

During one of the vipassana meditation sessions when focus eluded me (one of many!), I mulled over the idea of cancelling my plane ticket and decided that I was going to do it. Juan seemed like a good guy, and we’d clicked instantly. Not only would it be fun, it would be the best possible way to start my India trip, especially heading straight to Varanasi, a city that was described as one of the toughest, if not the toughest in India. Having made the decision, when people started leaving the course, something that none of us had even thought possible, I started to stress. If Juan left, there would be no way to contact him, and all my plans would be ruined. In the heightened state of mind that I was in during that period of time, the idea of heading to Delhi alone now seemed incredibly scary, especially seeing that there was an alternative option. It was at that stage that I began to keep tabs on him, making sure he was there at 4:30am for morning meditations, and then again after lunch at 1:00pm, as those were the times that we’d usually note the disappearances of our fellow students. The fact that he was notoriously late for every meditation session didn’t help the situation, as I breathed a sigh of relief every time that the door creaked open with its Darth Vader sigh, and his tall form appeared.

A soon as we broke silence I confirmed our plans and cancelled my plane ticket. Juan told me he was also traveling with his friend Justo, someone he grew up with in a small town in Argentina, which made me a bit nervous. One Spanish speaking guy was one thing, two might be a disaster, especially if we didn’t get along. Juan and I had hit it off straight away, but what if I didn’t get along with his friend? Luckily, when Juan, Justo and I met up in Pokhara a week later, after Juan and I had left the quiet of Chitwan and had gone our separate ways for a few days, it looked like things would be fine.

During my time in Nepal I was essentially travelling alone. While I was constantly surrounded by people, all my decisions were mine, and mine alone. I decided where I wanted to stay, what I wanted to do each day, whether I wanted to go out at night or relax in my guesthouse. I had the option of deciding how much contact I had with the new people I was meeting, and my plans, while taking others into consideration, basically revolved around what was best for me. It actually felt a lot like my life back home, just in a different location. Living alone, I was always able to choose when to go out and be social, and when to stay at home and just crash with a book or movie. I could interact with my surroundings as much, or as little, as I chose.

From my last few days in Nepal to now, things have changed dramatically. Just like the transition from Nepal to India, the transition from solo traveller to a threesome, has taken a bit of time, and is still in progress. At the end of the vipassana course, Juan gave me the book “Holy Cow”, written by fellow Australian Sarah MacDonald. In the book she writes about her time in India in 2000-2001. When she was 21 she travelled to India and hated it. Years later, she moved to India for two years because her boyfriend, an ABC correspondent, was stationed in New Delhi. Besides being the first book I actually managed to read while travelling, it was incredible preparation for India. She writes about being a female traveller in India and its implications, and goes into great detail about what can be expected. After reading the book I was prepared for the worst, and so far, I have been pleasantly surprised. The book was written almost fifteen years ago, and things seem to have improved since she was here. Yes, there is still a lot of unwanted attention all the time, yes, India is still geared mainly towards the male population (the toilet break by the side of the road on the way from the India-Nepal border to Gorakhpur was a good indication of things to come), but from what I’ve seen in the past week or so, it seems like there may be some hope.

When I met up with the boys in Pokhara, we were staying in separate guesthouses, as I’d arrived before they returned from their trek and hadn’t been able to contact them to find out where they were staying. When we left for Lumbini, the 24/7 togetherness began. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with people so intensively. I’ve lived alone for over 8 years now and in that time I’ve always had my own space, my privacy and my freedom. Being with people all the time is a new experience, something that I haven’t had to do since my year away, way back in 1996, when I spent the year in a seminary in Israel. As a group we meet a lot of new people all the time. We connect with them, join up with for brief periods of time, and then go our separate ways, but the three of us still stay together. I've shared a room with the boys every night since Pokhara, except for one night in Agra, where I roomed with a British girl who we met on the train from Varanasi to Agra. Privacy can be tough to come by, but somehow we all manage. I have my quiet time in the mornings, which is great, as I’ve been having trouble sleeping in (less great), and the boys sleep relatively well, something that I really hope will rub off on me soon.

Traveling with the boys is great. They’re intelligent, a lot of fun, and are both very, very different personalities. It can be hard sometimes though, as they have known each other since high school and their default language is Spanish, a language that they’ll slip into quite often, because of habit and ease of communication. There can also sometimes be some language misunderstandings, although they have been few, and have been cleared up relatively quickly. I know that they also find it hard at times, feeling guilty for discussing sports in Spanish when I’m there, like they’re excluding me from the “guy talk”. I tell them not to worry, that I’m fine with myself, because I really am, but I’m not sure how much they understand, although I think they are beginning to, as they get to know me better. We’ve spoken about finding another English speaking girl to add to our little group, but so far, being the only girl doesn’t bother me, and the conversations with the female travellers we meet up with, are enough to tide me over. Funnily enough, it’s the lack of Hebrew that I have more trouble with, but that seems to be less of a problem, as, just like in Nepal, Israelis can be found everywhere in India.

As it stands at the moment, I’ll be travelling with the boys for at least the next month or so. We started off with similar itineraries and it makes sense to keep going together. While I love being with them, I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I went off on my own, and really did the solo traveller thing that I was planning when I started my trip. The boys are both seasoned travellers, and while we are all involved in each and every decision, I sometimes feel a bit passive, letting the experienced people take control. Juan has become the expert haggler, Justo is the level headed one, and I’m not entirely sure what I am. I see the boys and the way they interact with their surroundings and I want to be like them, but I know it will take time.

While I’m loving to travel, I find myself disturbed a lot of­­ the time. We go to new places every day, and meet new people, both locals and tourists. We see new, and sometimes strange and even disturbing things, the crematory ghats in Varanasi, for example, and yet I take it all in my stride, and none of it affects me so much. I’m not sure whether all my years in Israel have made me numb, or whether the similarities I see between Israel and India just mean that I’m not so surprised by most things, but sometimes I wish I could wipe all my Israel memories from the past years, and experience India with new eyes. I see the boys and how they react, the delight at seeing a camel for the first time, the bewilderment and disbelief at seeing a burning body, the reaction to Hindu rituals, some of which remind me very much of Judaic rituals. I see their reaction to hearing a muezzin for the first time, and it makes me realize even more, how different we are from each other, and what different lives we all lead.

Last night we arrived in New Delhi. During our time here, we’re not staying in the touristy backpacker area, we’re couchsurfing with a family. When we arrived last night, we were introduced to the family and were told that they were Muslim. My heart jumped to my throat. Coming from Israel with all the tension that exists, and especially with all the world-wide reactions to Israel and Jews after the war this summer, I was actually petrified. I had been introduced as an Australian, was being treated as an Australian, and didn’t know whether to mention Israel at all, worried that if I did, or if I omitted the fact and it was discovered that I was Jewish and lived in Israel, that I would be thrown out of the house. At some stage during dinner I threw in a few mentions of Israel, just to gage reactions, and discovered that their son, our host, had visited Israel, and had been to Jerusalem. Taking a deep breath, I mentioned that I live there and he asked if I was Jewish. I confirmed and waited for the reaction. There was none. The father started talking, and told that Muslims in India are different, they are less conservative and a lot more open minded. He put me at ease immediately by telling me about family members who are married to Israelis. I came upstairs after dinner feeling relieved, but still needing to release that deep breath.

Transitioning from country to country, and from solo traveller to group traveller and back again, are things that I will be facing quite often over the next few months. After last night I realized that the main transition that I have to make now is in my mind. To understand that there is a world out there that is far beyond the tension that is Israel, and that people should be judged not based on their religion, but on who they are, how they act, and how they treat their fellow man. It sounds so obvious, but after so many years in Israel, it’s something that I definitely need to relearn.