The return of the lone traveler

In the world of travel, each day is a lifetime. Time goes really fast (has it really been almost 6 weeks since I left Israel?), yet so much happens every day that in a second your entire perspective – and your plans – can totally change. On Thursday the boys and I agreed to part ways. After two weeks of traveling together, we decided that it would be better for all of us if we continued separately, me on my way, them on theirs. I must admit that, while the conversation about splitting up wasn’t the easiest of conversations, I felt relieved at the end, as I’d been having doubts for quite some time about our compatibility as a group, but wasn’t really sure how to voice them. I’d also been feeling quite claustrophobic and in need of some personal space, as we’d been couchsurfing for the past few days in Delhi, the three of us and another two Russian girls, all piled in one room in a private house.

Having bought train tickets in advance to Rishikesh and Amritsar, we were faced with the dilemma of what to do. Should we continue together until Amritsar and then split, or did one or all of us want to forfeit our tickets and go in different directions. I did some thinking, and decided that what I wanted to do was to continue on my original path, heading to Rishikesh and Amritsar, and then, instead of heading to Rajasthan as I’d originally planned to do, I would go and meet up with a friend in Goa. While not so long ago, the idea of all my plans falling through would have scared me, this time I was fine. It actually felt quite liberating after two weeks of consultations and group decisions, to be freed from the constraints of our combined future plans, and to be able to decide entirely on my own, what I wanted to do for the next few days/weeks/months.

While the boys and I still travelled together from Delhi, once we arrived, I was on my own. And so I found myself in a guesthouse in Rishikesh, by myself, in a single room for the first time since Pokhara, just under two weeks ago. I have to say that those first few moments were amazing. Having total privacy for the first time in (traveller’s time) forever, was incredible. Just the thought that I could get undressed and there was no chance that someone would walk in on me, made me feel so unbelievably free, and it was then that I really understood just how suffocated I had been in the past few weeks.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that things were bad. It wasn’t like I was having a terrible time. It just took until Delhi for me to realize that traveling wasn’t supposed to be just ok and that I didn’t have to keep going for the next month with the boys just because we’d made plans. I suppose it's all part of the traveling learning curve. In my last post I wrote about some questions and thoughts I’d been having about traveling with people, about whether I was really letting myself get the most out of my experience, and if I was stifling myself by traveling as a group, and not alone, as I’d originally planned. I should have listened to those questions and those doubts and acted upon them, instead of continuing as I did.

When I got to the guesthouse in Rishikesh and realized that I was alone, I released a breath that I hadn’t even realized I was holding in. Being alone didn’t faze me, I actually relished the idea of having my own space, and time to regroup. As it turns out, I wasn’t alone for long. Within an hour I was having tea with my friend Tomer, an Israeli guy I’d first met in Pokhara and later in Varanasi, and was making plans to have dinner with Sarah, a South African girl I’d met in Gorakhpur, and Jimmy, a New Zealander I’d met in Lumbini and crossed the border with over to Varanasi. Barba from Germany and Amanda from Canada joined our international crew for a rowdy dinner at a roadside dhabba, and, as the decibel level rose and the incredible food was served, I just felt so happy and so free. I felt one hundred percent truly me, for the first time in a while, and it felt so good. Even though it sounds so obvious, I finally realized that this was the way it was actually supposed to be and that I really need to start listening to myself and to trust my instincts more.

Over the past couple of days I have been doing just that. After a fun day with the gang eating thali at a roadside stand (it was yum!) making and eating fruit salad on the banks of the Ganges, and visiting a jungle ashram, it was time to take a break. Heading back up the hill to my guesthouse I had an unfortunate run in with some bright purple paint and realized that I needed some “me” time, some time to just relax. One entire book later, and 12 hours (and counting) at the Nirvana Café and I feel that I’m starting to get back into the groove of the lone traveler again. I love the fact that I’m alone by choice now, that I have the option to join my fellow travellers if I want, or to head out and meet new people, but that I’m starting to learn to listen to myself and to take the time out that I need. Of course taking time out today still involved a really interesting four hour conversation with an Australian guy I met at the café earlier on today, but it’s those random encounters that make me relish the experience of traveling alone, as encounters with fellow travellers can become a lot more real and meaningful when meeting someone one on one, and not as a group.

Rishikesh is an amazing place and I’m sorry that I was here for such a short while. In I’ve loved meeting the quirky locals and the comfortable feeling I have walking through the streets. In my head I’m already planning a return trip, for a longer period of time, and I really hope that it will happen. Tomorrow I plan to visit the Beatles ashram and Ram Jhula before heading back to Haridwar to catch the overnight train to Amritsar, but who knows, maybe I’ll do as I’ve planned, and maybe I won’t. I'm learning that each day can be full of surprises and that the best thing to do is to just be prepared for anything and everything. I can guarantee that whatever I do tomorrow, it will be another day to add to the collection of experiences that I’m accumulating. As I round off thirteen hours at the Nirvana Café, I’m relishing the start of a new day, energized from this relaxing day in today’s Nirvana.