An unsurprising assault

It finally happened, and sadly enough it didn’t surprise me. Not only was I not surprised when the middle aged Indian man walked past me, said a friendly hello, and grabbed my breast,but my first reaction after yelling at the man, was, “So it finally happened, but here, in Kerala? I didn't think it would happen here!”

It’s a sad circumstance, and a sad reflection on a society, where the response to sexual assault is resignation. Today when it happened, I was on a deserted beach somewhere between Varkala and Keppil, enjoying a long, solitary walk through beautiful tourist-free scenery. There wasn’t much I could do in response but yell. There was no one around, and the man walked away, oblivious to my shouts.

This is not the first time something like this has happened to me, and I definitely know it’s not the first time that a female tourist has been groped in India. It’s actually something that I was warned about, as something that would definitely happen at least once or twice, if not more during my stay in India. I was told that northern India was more problematic than southern India, hence my initial reaction of surprise that it was here that it happened and not during my time in the north.

Unfortunately, I have been the victim of sexual assualt more than once in my life, and I know that it's more prevalent than many people would think. The last time before this occurred on the plane on the way from Jordan to New Delhi, when I was flying to India for business in August 2013. I was asleep, and woke up to find myself being touched by the Indian man in the seat next to me, this occurring while his wife was sitting in the next seat. At that time I didn’t say or do anything, hazy from sleep, I froze and did nothing, a common reaction. When I arrived in Delhi, slightly traumatized, I mentioned the incident to a colleague and from then on, for the duration of my trip, wasn’t allowed to do anything or go anywhere by myself. The atmosphere in Delhi at that time, in the wake of some very public rape trials, made my host company overly cautious, especially when coupled with my story from the plane. On my flight back to Israel I was upgraded to business class, something that made me very happy, as I'd developed an unnatural anxiety with regards to my return trip, as a result of the experience I'd had on the way over. That incident was one of the reasons that, after being in India for four days, I had no desire to return. At the same time, it became one of the reasons that I decided I needed to return to India. I wanted to learn to appreciate the country that so many of my friends loved, in spite of my negative experience.

Unfortunately for me, and for many other females, sexual assault is still a reality in this day and age, and not just in less progressive countries such as India. In Australia in 2003, walking on a main road in broad daylight on my way to the gym, I was groped by a man walking past me on the sidewalk. The difference between Australia and India, was that I could go to the police in Australia and report the man and be taken seriously. Whether or not the police actually did anything with my report is another story, but at least the option was there. I'm not sure what the police are like here in India, apparently it's different in each region. I think they're starting to treat the phenomenon more seriously, but it's taking time. If I'd gone to the police yesterday it would have accomplished nothing, of that I'm sure.

In India, western women are told not to make eye contact with Indian men because that sends them a signal that the woman is promiscuous. I was told that Indian men think all western women are prostitutes, and eye contact confirms it. In many places in northern India, I found wearing sunglasses was the best tactic to avoid the direct gazes, which were always there, especially in Varanasi, where every western woman is ogled by the Indian men loitering on the ghats. Varanasi was the first city we visited in India, and it was a huge culture shock, particulary with regards to the blatant staring and male attitude to female tourists.. It took me three days to acclimatize and to adapt an“I don’t care” mentality in response to the stares, which enabled me to move around freely with my camera on the almost-female-free ghats without relying on the boys I was with for “protection”.

With the blatant stares and innuendo I felt radiating from many of the males in Varanasi, I was surprised that nothing more than staring happened in the few days we were there. After reading Sarah Macdonald’s book “Holy Cow: An Indian adventure”, I was prepared for the worst, especially with regards to the treatment of females, and I have to admit that until now, I have been pleasantly surprised. Yes, Indian men still like to talk about sex and intimacy with westerners because they can’t talk freely about it at home, and yes, it’s not pleasant to ride on a train in sleeper class with the Indian guy opposite you staring at you for hours until he finally falls asleep, but relatively, it’s been pretty good.

My reaction to today’s incident wasn’t only resignation, it was also disappointment. With less than two weeks to go until I leave India, I thought I would leave less jaded than when I arrived. Don’t get me wrong, I love India, have had an amazing time here, and am really sorry to leave. I have experienced so much, and have met many incredible and interesting people, both locals and fellow travellers. Even after today’s incident, I continued on my meander and spent a beautiful afternoon exploring, meeting some very friendly Indian families and fishermen along the way. The difference is that when I stopped to photograph a boat on the lovely Edava beach, and its owner came out to say hello, instead of stopping for a chat, as I would have before the incident, I said a quick hello, finished photographing and moved on. It saddens me that I responded that way, but self-protection kicked in, and rightly so.

I don’t understand a society where invading someone’s personal space in such a way is ok, and I can’t comprehend how a person could think nothing of touching someone in inappropriate places. I know that India is progressing, and is taking steps to deal with the problem, and I have seen ongoing campaigns for women’s safety in many of the big cities, which is definitely a positive step. But while I do have faith that sometime in the future, with enough deterrence and education, sexual harassment and sexual assault will become less prevalent, for now, I will continue to be aware, and will be a bit more hesitant when interacting with locals. Hopefully there will come a time when I will be able to move more freely and be more trusting, but it is not today, and unfortunately, it will not be this visit.